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Responding well to those who have been sexually abused practice guidance

We are delighted to be able to commend this new Policy and Good Practice document which provides guidance to our Church to help us respond as positively and constructively as possible to anyone who has suffered abuse. I am particularly grateful to the group that has worked so hard over many months to produce this guidance, drawing in many cases from the experiences resulting from their own traumas and ongoing pains and suffering.

Above all, as Church we are committed to living and showing God’s kind of love in every situation, to reach out to one another in openness, acceptance, self-giving, kindness and generosity. We know that this path is costly, and we know that the social face of this love is also about truth and justice, forgiveness, reconciliation and healing. This is no easy task in any situation, but especially when confronted by the suffering and consequences of abuses of power of one person over another. Much of this abuse within our society is committed by family members or close family friends, but some, shamefully, has come about within the life of the Church or linked organizations such as schools or children’s homes.

We are committed to the safeguarding and protection of all children, young people and adults, and the establishing of safer, caring communities. We have worked hard to improve our culture of informed vigilance, our practices of safer recruiting, and our safeguarding at every level of our church life within congregations and dioceses. We are conscious that there is always more to be done and that this continues to be work in progress. We must always strive to reflect God’s love ever more and more fully as he calls us deeper into his way of being and living. The best of all possible ways of ‘responding well’ would be to ensure that abuse never happened again.

This new document, by helping us to focus on the needs of those who have suffered from and survived abuse, complements and extends the range of the work in which we have been engaged these last few years with our Policy documents. We want to support and walk alongside all those who are struggling in their own journey and process of healing and wholeness, by the quality of our listening, understanding and reaching out openly, seeking with them the justice, support and care that they need.

It is our hope that parishes and dioceses will use this document as an important resource in continuing the task of transforming our culture within the Church. This in turn will lead to increased learning and sharing, and more work in the future built upon that learning. We offer this document, together with the other policies, as another important part of helping us all ‘respond well’ and reaching out to those who have suffered the trauma of abuse, for their healing and ours.

✠ Anthony Hereford

✠ Paul Southwell and Nottingham

Statement of Safeguarding Principles

The Church of England works in partnership with other Christian Churches and other agencies in delivering safeguarding. In partnership with the Methodist Church, the following statement of principles appears at the head of each safeguarding policy:

We are committed to:

  • the care, nurture of, and respectful pastoral ministry for all: children, young people and adults
  • the safeguarding and protection of children, young people and all adults
  • the establishing of safe, caring communities which provide a loving environment where victims of abuse can report or disclose abuse and where they can find support and best practice that contributes to the prevention of abuse.

To this end . . .

  • We will carefully select, support and train all those with any responsibility within the Church, in line with Safer Recruitment principles, including the use of criminal records disclosures and registration/membership of the relevant vetting and barring schemes.
  • We will respond without delay to every complaint made, that any adult, child or young person may have been harmed, cooperating with the police and local authority in any investigation.
  • We will seek to offer informed pastoral care and support to anyone who has suffered abuse, developing with them an appropriate ministry that recognizes the importance of understanding the needs of those who have been abused, including their feelings of alienation and/or isolation.
  • We will seek to protect survivors of sexual abuse from the possibility of further harm and abuse.
  • We will seek to challenge any abuse of power, especially by anyone in a position of trust.
  • We will seek to offer pastoral care and support, including supervision, and referral to the appropriate authorities, to any member of our church community known to have offended against a child, young person or vulnerable adult.
  • In all these principles we will follow legislation, guidance and recognized good practice.

1. Background

1.1. In 2002, Churches Together in Britain and Ireland published a report, Time for Action: Sexual Abuse, the Churches and a New Dawn for Survivors. Since then, the Church has increasingly recognized the need to minister to survivors of sexual abuse. With the more recent completion of the Church of England’s Past Child Protection Cases Review (2009) and developments in best practice concerning the protection of children and adults, it is timely to address the injustices suffered by survivors within our own communities.

1.2. Progress has been made in recognizing the consequences of sexual abuse. However, at both an individual and at church level, survivors of sexual abuse still see a need for better support and action in recognition of their suffering and pain. They continue to press the Church to provide safer communities where their experiences of abuse can be heard, and support offered.

1.3. Churches can be well placed, often in the heart of our communities, to offer safer places for survivors to come and where they can share their experiences. The call to follow Christ challenges us to stand at the edge of society and hear the needs of those whom we encounter on our journey. We are challenged to move beyond our own fears and reach out in compassion to those who need our support. In many situations this will only mean developing or adapting existing good work where pastoral ministry is given to those in need or marginalized within society (for example, bereavement support), so that our experience and skills within such fields can be extended in compassionate response to survivors of sexual abuse. In doing so, the Church gains hugely from the wisdom and the knowledge of the survivors themselves, who can contribute greatly to our communities.

1.4. The issues of sexual abuse provide significant challenges to Christians and to the Church, but setting these challenges aside will impoverish us. Finding the will and creating the means to face them will help us towards becoming all that God longs for us as his servants in his world today. If these challenges also bring a concern for our own vulnerability, perhaps this too might better equip us to understand, learn from, respect and minister to those in all kinds of crises and vulnerability.

2. Safeguarding Policies

2.1. The Church of England has developed a series of safeguarding policies, of which this is the fifth. This policy is set within the framework established by:

● Protecting All God’s Children (safeguarding policy for children and young people, 4th edition, November 2010) http://www.churchofengland.org/media/37378/protectingallgodschil dren.pdf

● Promoting a Safe Church (safeguarding policy for adults, 2006, to be updated in 2012) http://www.churchofengland.org/media/37405/promotingasafechur ch.pdf

● Responding to Domestic Abuse (guidelines for those with pastoral responsibility, 2006) http://www.churchofengland.org/media/1163604/domesticabuse.pdf

● ‘Safeguarding Guidelines relating to Safer Recruitment’ (interim policy, November 2010) http://www.churchofengland.org/media/1161891/safeguarding4.pdf

Further guidance arising from future learning will be provided via the safeguarding pages on the Church of England website.

3. Theological Statement

3.1. By its very nature sexual abuse, in common with all other types of abuse, devalues people. Every person has a value and dignity that comes directly from the creation of human beings in God’s own image and likeness. Christians see this potential as fulfilled by God’s re-creation of us in Christ. Failure to respond in a way that shows respect for the value of all, according to their needs, undermines issues at the heart of the Christian faith.

3.2. The presence in our churches of those who have experienced sexual abuse highlights a number of important theological themes, including the affirmation of personal value as created and valued by God, issues of compassion, of justice, of inclusiveness, of forgiveness, and the role of the Church as servant of God and sign of the kingdom of God.

4. Responding Well

4.1. Most survivors want to be heard and to have their very real pain and hurt acknowledged. They also want a compassionate response from the Church and to see action where this is needed to ensure others are safe.

4.2. In cases where the context of abuse has been the Church, those who have been abused often want to be listened to and heard directly by someone in authority either within the diocese or nationally. [*] Such meetings have been successfully held in other parts of the Anglican Communion and good practice has been developed.

National Response

4.3. The Church of England will identify people to act as ‘authorized listener’ (see section 5 below) in those cases that are responded to at the national level of the Church. These people should work closely with, but remain distinct from, the national Safeguarding Adviser. 

4.4. The national Safeguarding Adviser is available to advise on matters relating to abuse and responding well to it. The adviser should always be informed by others working in the national, diocesan or local church context, of any case that appears likely to develop a national element through media publicity, court action or for any other reason.

Diocesan Response

4.5. Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser – There are two distinct roles in working with issues relating to children and vulnerable adults, but the roles are sometimes combined. Information about abuse can reach the diocese through a wide variety of routes. The Adviser provides a source of expertise and advice about all matters relating to abuse. At a minimum, the Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser should always be informed by the diocese of those cases that relate to clergy or employees, and where matters are before a criminal or family court.

4.6. Authorized listeners – Each diocese should appoint carefully chosen, competent and trained people who will be able to be ‘authorized listeners’ for those who disclose, in particular for those who disclose abuse from within the church community (see section 5 below).

4.7. External authorities – Diocesan authorities need to remember their wider duty to the general public and also their accountability to civil authorities in matters of sexual abuse. Whether or not the alleged abuse has taken place within a church context, a crime may have been committed and others could be at risk. The Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser will be able to provide further advice and have details of the appropriate contacts.

4.8. Training needs – The 4th edition of Protecting All God’s Children places a requirement upon each diocese to provide training on safeguarding for all clergy and licensed lay workers either before they take up their appointment or during their first year in post. Pastoral response and care of those who have been abused should either be included in such training or made an additional requirement.

4.9. Clergy already appointed should be encouraged to undergo specialist training. Changes in societal attitudes towards sexual matters raise the possibility of any parish priest finding himself or herself confronted with an account of sexual abuse. Some advance training is obviously wise for the sake both of the priest and of the abused person.

4.10. Implementation – The diocese should ensure that best practice is being implemented within both the diocesan structures and also at parish level.

Parish Response

4.11. Those who have suffered sexual abuse may first disclose this within the life of their local parish church. This means that each parish should reflect the following:

  • Church for all – Ensure that the church has a healthy culture of welcome and inclusion, which affirms personal value for all and where no one feels inappropriately judged.
  • Self criticism – We can always do better, but only if we remain open to criticism and avoid complacency. This will help to avoid the dangers of falling into denial and defensiveness if a complaint is ever made. There should always be a healthy intolerance of behaviour that is unholy.
  • Training – Clergy and others with pastoral responsibilities should have adequate training. This should include the provision of appropriate responses and support for any who have suffered sexual abuse.
  • Whole-church awareness – Well-informed communities become safer and more caring places. It is recommended that training be arranged within the deanery or parish level, ensuring that it is led by those sensitive to the needs of survivors.
  • Specific sources of support – All parishes should have named individuals who have particular responsibilities for safeguarding children and/or adults. These people may be a good first point of contact for a survivor who wishes to disclose. Their names should be made available on church noticeboards.
  • Link with the diocese – The Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser will be a source of guidance and support for churches encountering issues around sexual abuse. At a minimum, the Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser should always be informed by the parish of those cases which relate to clergy or employees, and where matters are before a criminal or family court.

5. The Role of Authorized Listener

It is vital our churches are safe places for people to tell their stories of abuse, and where people listen and respond well . . .

Time for Action, p. 66

5.1. The need for those who have been abused to have access to someone acting in the role of listener was identified by the Time for Action report in 2002. [*] This policy now turns that recommendation into a requirement. In some situations, the Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser can act as ‘authorized listener’. In others, and particularly wherever there may be a potential conflict of interest because the abuse occurred within the church setting, the role of listener should be distinct from that of the Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser.

5.2. Both male and female listeners need to be available to accommodate individual needs and choice.

5.3. The role of a listener should be carefully defined with clear boundaries. A listener, in the context of this guidance to parishes and churches, is to provide an attentive and attuned listening ear to help those in need to talk about their experiences. A listener will need to be able to help an individual to think about their next step and to support them. The key attributes of the post required will be:

  • ideally a background in counselling or an allied profession;
  • ability to manage sensitive and difficult information;
  • ability to identify when a person may require more specialist support;
  • capacity to understand issues of confidentiality;
  • sufficient awareness of the way the Church works.

This post requires the applicant to provide an enhanced Criminal Records Bureau (CRB) disclosure and to have undertaken safeguarding-children and vulnerable-adult training.

5.4. Their training should include:

  • exploration of personal vulnerabilities, self-awareness, and the need to access support for example, when a specialist counsellor may be needed);
  • awareness of the various options for the individual beyond the moment of sharing their story;
  • how to deal with complex confidentiality issues.

5.5. Hearing stories of abuse can be traumatic, so the Church (at national and diocesan level) should always have in place support for such listeners.

5.6. While in some cases it might be right for the listener to remain in contact, there are also times when he or she should refer the individual to another person for ongoing pastoral care. The question of whether the listener also remains in touch will require careful thought and consultation. In some cases it will be appropriate for the diocesan bishop to be consulted.

5.7. Pastoral care of the victim of abuse should always be separate from anyone carrying out further investigation into the complaint. However, if abuse has taken place within the context of church life, then the listener may want to encourage a meeting between an individual and the Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser (either child or adult adviser as relevant).

6. Further guidance

6.1. This guidance has been developed to assist all those in the life of the Church of England who engage with people who have been the victims of sexual abuse.

Introduction

For many years survivors of sexual abuse have been coming to churches in the hope of finding not only the Christian message being lived out, but also a place where they might unburden themselves of their terrible secrets, of the shattering, shaming and isolating experiences of sexual abuse. Too often they have been disappointed. For too long some church communities have tried to silence their complaints and minimize their experiences through fear, ignorance and self-protective denial.

It is important to acknowledge that abuse is perpetrated by some clergy and others in positions of responsibility, and to recognize that survivors have often found an inadequate response from our churches. In doing so, we seek to open the way for creating communities that are safe enough for all to belong, and where survivors can relate their experiences, confident that they will be heard and receive pastoral care and support. Abuse is endemic within our society. Statistics (section A1) clearly indicate that child sexual abuse remains prevalent, along with the sexual abuse and exploitation of both women and men, including those who are particularly vulnerable. The majority of victims find little or no redress within the criminal justice system, and few resources to meet their needs within the wider community.

While significant improvements have been made to make churches safer places, accounts of sexual abuse from the past, and current complaints, surface. Also in our churches are those who experienced abuse outside the context of church life. Responding to such accounts is not easy. This document will help local church people and members of the clergy to respond well to those who have suffered sexual abuse.

The Church owes much to those who have survived sexual abuse. Their wisdom, courage, tenacity and sensitivity, as well as the insights into the gospel message learnt through coming to terms with individual suffering, are an invaluable and integral part of our church life. However, survivors are also people with particular needs, and this document is a timely resource for everyone who would want to ensure they do not suffer further harm as a result of a poor response from the Church.

Sexual abuse impacts on many people: the individual who has suffered the abuse; partners, friends and family; the person hearing a disclosure; and the church community, particularly when the process of disclosure leads to conflict between groups or individuals within the church. This document aims to help everyone in identifying and beginning to work through the dilemmas that need to be addressed: the need for self-awareness; for support; for sufficient time to enable the process to unfold; for informed sensitivity and compassion; and for assertive action to provide justice or to ensure safety where this is necessary.

The guidance has been developed by a group of people who together share some experiences of having themselves been the victims of abuse, and of having developed insight and commitment through working alongside other survivors. They share some of these insights here as simply and directly as possible.

Even though the authors write from years of experience and are confident of the value of this document, they are aware that the subject is complex and that pastoral responses require much more than technical knowledge. It is their shared hope that, through what will be read here, pastoral responses will be better informed, capable of greater empathy and consequently more effective. This process will in turn stimulate further learning about this subject within the Church.

While these guidelines primarily address issues for those who have suffered sexual abuse, we also recognize the relationship to other forms of abuse, some of which sadly still exist within our churches. Consequently, understanding and addressing the pastoral issues relating to those who have suffered sexual abuse will have wider benefits that will better enable churches to understand and address other aspects of abuse.

Who is this guidance for?

This guidance is for those at all levels of church life who might be involved in or responsible for pastoral ministry and the provision of care, whether within or from the local church, diocese or at national level. This includes those providing ministry and pastoral care in schools, hospitals, prisons and further education. So it is for:

  • The National Church Institutions, where policy and guidance is developed for the whole Church and where staff might be approached by those who have been abused and by those accused.
  • Diocesan offices and senior clergy, where staff are responsible for diocesan policy development, managing risk, responding to allegations of abuse and past cases; where staff are often approached by those who have suffered abuse and by those accused of abuse.
  • All parishes, some of whose experience will already include supporting survivors of sexual and other abuse and some perpetrators.

Some of those who read these guidelines will be adult survivors of sexual abuse or know someone who is a survivor. Others who read Responding Well may have little or no previous understanding of the issues relating to sexual abuse. People’s experiences of abuse, the impact it makes and the responses to this vary. Responding Well is not a work book of complete answers, but guidelines to help equip those in our churches for the process of understanding and supporting those who have experienced abuse. That journey, if travelled carefully, will be enriching, even if at times painful.

It is through an increased awareness of the issues for survivors of abuse that we will move towards our churches being safer and more inclusive places.

Terminology

See also the Glossary in Appendix C1

Victims or survivors?

While there is particular concern in this document for those who have been abused in childhood, the authors are aware that vulnerability can come to anyone at any age. All abuse is traumatic. But there is a special situation where the abuse happened in childhood and the matter has not been addressed for many years afterwards. In that sense, they continue to be victims long after the event.

The language employed to describe those who have suffered sexual abuse is always a sensitive matter. Few would want to be defined by an experience or experiences from their past. However, they have been victims and that fact must not be lost in concern about correct language. At the same time, many have moved on as far as they are able and would be better described as survivors of sexual abuse or even thrivers beyond abuse: they do not want an episode or series of episodes to be regarded as the defining moment of their lives and of who they are, however much it has dramatically and tragically influenced and shaped their lives. As far as possible in this document we have used ‘those who have suffered/ been the victim of sexual abuse’, but the term ‘survivor’ is also used in an attempt to capture the complexity of the issue.

Abusers or perpetrators?

Both terms are used in literature relating to people (both men and women) who abuse children or adults. In this guidance they are used interchangeably as well as the phrase ‘people who abuse’.

Shocking language?

The subjects covered in this guidance, and the words used, are not in general use within church communities and they can create a sense of shock, disgust or distress for people who encounter these concepts for the first time. Time for Action [*]  helpfully stated: ‘we keep in mind that people who have been abused have been propelled unwillingly into this area of knowledge, and this is a cause of further abuse. We ourselves do not lose our innocence in gaining such knowledge; we lose our ignorance and become more able to support and be part of the healing process.’ 

A1. Prevalence

The following statistics demonstrate not only the prevalence of child sexual abuse in the UK but also – disturbingly – how few of the perpetrators are convicted of these offences. Survivors are everywhere in society and not least to be found within church communities. Furthermore, the statistics clearly indicate that most of those abused in childhood will not tell anyone until later or as adults.

  • By the age of 16, one in six children (16 per cent) [*] will have experienced sexual abuse during childhood.
  • Three-quarters (72 per cent) of sexually abused children did not tell anyone about the abuse at the time; 27 per cent told someone later. Around a third (31 per cent) still had not told anyone about their experience(s) by early adulthood. [*]
  • False allegations of rape and sexual abuse are no higher than false allegations for other crimes, such as burglary (USA 2 per cent; UK 3 per cent). [*]
  • Research has consistently found that only around 3–4 per cent of all reported child abuse cases result in conviction. [*]
  • Research has shown that those who are abused in childhood are likely to turn to religion, God and church communities to find meaning and purpose for their lives. [*]

A2. Needs of those who have been abused

A person who has suffered abuse will have significant potential strengths but they will also have various complex needs. This is especially so where the abuse has been at the hands of those they have trusted, and even more likely if the abuser holds a position of spiritual or moral responsibility. There will be a complex mix of feelings or emotions. Both the incident itself and subsequent consequences raise a number of issues addressed elsewhere in this report. Where abuse has taken place within the church context then these include the challenging process of re-establishing relations with the faith community and with God.

The time between the original abuse and disclosure of that abuse varies from case to case. Some people are able to disclose soon after the abuse while others may take many years and some never disclose the abuse they have suffered.

When people who have experienced abuse come into church communities, what they need most is to be listened to openly and without judgement. It is probable that some will also need ongoing support and practical help.

Being sexually abused always involves a loss of personal control and power. When a survivor raises an allegation of abuse against a member of the church community, care must be taken so that he or she does not experience further loss of control over what happens next, including who is informed about the complaint. It is important that at all times the survivor should be consulted and involved at all levels as far as is possible, allowing for legal constraints.

Recovery after sexual abuse and obtaining closure involves a process over time. The Revd Dr Marie M. Fortune, founder and senior analyst of the FaithTrust Institute (see Appendix C7 – Further resources), has identified seven essential elements to the process:

  • the opportunity to tell the story (to name the sin and share their experience);
  • for someone to ‘hear’ the story (that is, to believe and acknowledge the harm done and the fact that the victim is not to blame);
  • receiving a compassionate response to the victim (that is, to ‘suffer with’, to walk with the person rather than try to ‘problem solve’ immediately);
  • an effort to protect the vulnerable from further harm (both the victim and any others who might be at risk);
  • the community holding the perpetrator to account;
  • an act of restitution in as far as this is possible (though this does not necessarily include institutional or financial liability);
  • unambiguous vindication. [*]

It is important to be clear about what a victim of abuse expects at any time when he or she shares his or her experience. While it is understandable that those in authority might be anxious regarding any suggestion of institutional culpability, this should never eclipse our higher duty to provide pastoral care. Indeed there appears to be growing evidence to suggest that where those who have experienced abuse receive a compassionate and responsive hearing to their experience, there is less likelihood of litigation.

There are occasions when all that is sought by a victim is a sincere and heartfelt expression of sorrow that the abuse has occurred or for the harm that has been caused, such as when the Archbishop of Canterbury recognized certain failings on Radio 4. [*]

Marie Fortune’s final element, ‘vindication’ for the victims of abuse, is best met when the Church and its leaders are prepared to ‘act justly’ (Micah 6.8) on their behalf. An over-emphasis on mercy can lead to a sense of injustice. Micah calls us to hold mercy and justice in balance as we walk humbly with God.

A3. Awareness in worship

There are a number of things within the regular pattern of worship that might present problems to survivors of abuse. Church activities also sometimes trigger disclosure of past sexual abuse. Many church leaders are not aware of these and might be surprised by a negative reaction to something that appears to them perfectly normal.

While most visitors appreciate a warm welcome, some who have been abused find certain physical aspects of welcome uncomfortable. Some people are delighted to receive an invitation to sit beside other members of the congregation, while others prefer a more solitary place.

A key aspect in the planning of worship is for the leader to be aware of the variety of experiences in any congregation and, on the day, be sensitive both to those who are regular worshippers and any visitors.

It is also important to:

  • use inclusive language;
  • learn and help others to make healthy relationships with God;
  • ensure the church is a place of safety, including confidentiality and avoiding gossip through inappropriate prayer or talk over coffee;
  • enable opportunities for networking if it is wanted.

Remember that:

  • liturgy can hinder as well as help;

    Note: the same words can trigger bad memories for some and be positive for others. Churches that provide details of service content in advance, either within notice sheets or orders of service, have noted that this is helpful preparation for those who might otherwise struggle with something within the worship.

  • often as a child, attributes of the abuser can become associated with the image of God;
  • Scripture is interpreted in the light of experience;
  • different words, actions, smells will set off memories for different individuals;
  • sharing/passing the peace can be a threatening experience and environment, particularly for some people where hugs are given. There always needs to be permission for people to stay quietly seated if this is their preferred option;
  • kneeling in front of another person may invoke difficult memories;
  • special services such as Mothering Sunday, Father’s Day can be difficult for some people;
  • an authoritarian or dogmatic attitude in leading worship or preaching might prove frightening.

A4. Correcting myths

Many have ideas about sexual abuse issues that are not always accurate. Some of these myths gain a certain amount of credence as they are passed on. The authors of this document feel that it is important to identify and correct these. Misinformation is often more harmful than ignorance. In order to do this aspect justice, we have set out the most common myths and corrective comment in a table within Appendix C2.

About sexual abuse

B1. What is sexual abuse?

The essential feature of abuse is that it is not welcome, mutual or consensual.

Time for Action, p. 12

Sexual abuse can involve forcing a child or adult to have sexual activity with family members (incest) or other children or adults.

Government guidance Working Together to Safeguard Children (2010) defines sexual abuse as:

forcing or enticing a child or young person to take part in sexual activities, not necessarily involving a high level of violence, whether or not the child is aware that it is happening. The activities may involve physical contact, including assault by penetration (for example, rape or oral sex) or non-penetrative acts such as masturbation, kissing, rubbing and touching outside of clothing. They may also include non-contact activities, such as involving children in looking at, or in the production of, sexual images, watching sexual activities, encouraging children to behave in sexually inappropriate ways, or grooming a child in preparation for abuse (including via the internet). Sexual abuse is not solely perpetrated by adult males. Women can also commit acts of sexual abuse as can other children. (p. 38)

A sexual act with a child under 16 is always criminal. Some consensual acts with young people up to the age of 18 can also be criminal, for example when the older person acts in a position of trust to the younger. [*]

For an adult, the question of whether an activity is a criminal offence centres around consent. [*] In broad terms this means whether the individual involved was able to agree to sexual activity taking place. This can be expressed or implied and the accused will have to show that he or she reasonably believed that consent was given for the sexual act to take place. As with 16- to 18-year-olds, the context can be very important, particularly if the accused is in a position of trust in relation to the alleged victim.

As a general rule, a sexual act is without consent where compliance has been achieved by physical force; as a result of fear of the consequences of noncompliance; where inducements are employed; or as a result of deliberate false information. Where an adult victim of sexual abuse was under the influence of alcohol or drugs, the question is whether at the time they were capable of saying yes or no.

It is often difficult for the victim to understand what has happened and why. This is not only because of the traumatic impact, but because of the context within which it occurs and the influence of the abuser. Those committing sexual abuse might seek to convince the victim that what happened was an expression of human love, a physical expression of divine love, or that it was consensual.

All children need attention and affection, so an abused child may have difficulty identifying what is not normal, especially if an abuser has an otherwise good relationship with the child. A child can never agree to sexual activity with an adult. The adult is always responsible for the abuse.

Victims can be confused because of their bodily responses to abuse, especially if they experience sexual excitement or an orgasm during an unwanted sexual act. It is important to remember that physical responses can occur even when there has not been consent to the activity. This is true for children as well as adults. Such responses do not undermine the nature of the act as abuse.

While sexual assault or abuse can take many forms, it is worth noting that the loss of personal control is a common thread.

B2. Sexual images on the internet

Sexual images that relate to abuse are put on the internet in a variety of ways. Once there it is probable that they will be downloaded, copied and passed on to others many times. Completely removing such images is virtually impossible.

This can generate a continuing sense of abuse for a victim whose image is so used. Some may come to terms with this, although there could be difficulties in later life. Others may need ongoing support.

Some images are there because young people have been encouraged to supply them by sexual perpetrators posing as online ‘friends’. Typically such predators encourage their victims to post online more and more sexually explicit photos of themselves.

Other images will be of children who have been photographed or filmed while abuse has taken place.

Sometimes photos or videos are deliberately published by a young person, as an act of rebellion or pushing boundaries or in response to a need for attention. They fail to realize the possible short-term and the long-term consequences in the excitement of the moment.

Even among the many sexual images of adults, which appear to be legal, there will be some taken in an abusive situation such as under the influence of drink, drugs or emotional pressure, or taken covertly for the purposes of voyeurism. The church community should promote safe use of the internet on church premises and at home. [*] Advice about individual cases of abuse, or about general protective measures, can be obtained from CEOP (Child Exploitation Online Prevention). See Appendix C7 – Further resources.

B3. The impact of sexual abuse

The impact of sexual abuse varies from person to person. What may seem less serious to one person might affect another deeply. Consequently there is no hierarchy of abuse.

It’s as if a pane of glass separates me from the rest of the world.

Quote from an adult who experienced sexual abuse in childhood

For the victim of sexual abuse, the trauma will have long-term consequences. For some, this will call for special understanding and support. Others seem able to process the experience in a way that enables them to get on with their lives with little obvious sign of damage. However, even in such encouraging situations, unhelpful memories can be triggered, resulting in disturbing outcomes.

Children who disclose in childhood will always need specialist help at the point of disclosure.

Adults who have experienced sexual abuse, in common with adults who have suffered other trauma, respond in a wide variety of ways, some of which are noted below. Some people forget or minimize the abuse for long periods but then re-experience the trauma at a later date. Some responses are positive, some unhelpful. Some may be helpful in the short term but become problematic in the longer term (for example, anger or use of alcohol). Some may intensify the person’s vulnerability, while others will enhance recovery.

People recover from adversity in different ways. Individuals who have been abused are likely to feel powerless, confused and hurt. Sometimes they may carry these same fears and anxieties into other situations. Childhood abuse in particular can render survivors more vulnerable to compliance and submission, sometimes resulting from a heightened need for acceptance or approval. This can mean they are susceptible to further abuse.

The consistent support of family and/or friends can be invaluable. Good pastoral support can help a survivor to overcome a troubled period. However, when the abuse has been pervasive or has taken place involving family figures, then specific counselling is likely to be needed to a help a person to recover. Sadly, such resources can be difficult to access.

The impact on faith varies. There might be a loss of personal faith or an increased sense of turning to God or to Jesus. There can be a sense that the Bible is meaningless, linked with an inability to pray. The language and ritual of faith can become problematic, and there can be a rejection of the institutional Church.

Abuse can lead to physical, mental and emotional health problems. People who have experienced abuse are at increased risk of a wide range of mental health illnesses (see Appendix C3 for more details). There might be a great sense of loss and grief, which can be linked with overpowering anger; feelings of self-blame, guilt and shame, or a loss of a sense of self, along with a sense of worthlessness or humiliation; an ongoing sense of deep hurt; a loss of confidence; powerlessness; feeling trapped; a diminished sense of hope or optimism linked with a diminished sense of joy or pleasure; and dissociation from reality. There can also be a sense of continual return to the emotional state of childhood. This may limit recovery until such time as the trauma is addressed.

These powerful emotions impact on the way adults or children who have been abused live their future lives. There can be difficulties in relationships, at school or at work; parenting problems; alcohol or drug abuse; involvement in anti-social behaviour; and, for some people, involvement in prostitution or other sexual dysfunction. Conversely, someone who has been abused can seek to limit the impact and work very hard to develop success in education, work and future relationships.

Surviving abuse and coping with this depth of impact across the whole of a person’s life can lead to the development of huge personal strengths. Part of this will involve making decisions about breaking ties with, or confronting, the abuser. Survivors can demonstrate huge compassion and a commitment to addressing abuse, oppression and injustices suffered by others; they can experience the joy of better and more healthy relationships; of speaking out and receiving support; and of making a difference for others through fighting back by, for example, speaking publicly or helping other survivors.

B4. The impact on sexuality

Those who have experienced sexual abuse often have complications in expressing their sexuality and managing the sexuality of their intimate partners. Where there is conscious awareness of the origin of these difficulties, individuals and couples can take positive steps to address them, for example through counselling. Problems can arise where unconscious behaviours cause misunderstanding and perhaps feelings of rejection in the un-abused partner and confusion in the abused partner. This is the case no matter what the sexual orientation of those involved. Engaging in any sexual relationship may be problematic and some survivors may opt for celibacy.

If survivors are not able to recognize and manage these effects of sexual abuse it is possible that they remain vulnerable to being sexually abused again as adults. This was demonstrated in recent research relating to survivors of sexual abuse by members of the clergy. [*] Sixty per cent of the women who took part in this study of adult women sexually exploited or abused by ministers in the UK reported previous sexual abuse as children. Other research shows that those sexually abused in childhood are two to three times more likely to be sexually assaulted or raped as an adult than those not sexually abused in childhood. [*]

Research by Marie Fortune [*] revealed that over 80 per cent of women in Christian churches would seek support and advice from a priest rather than from a counsellor. It is vital that clergy and others in pastoral roles do not sexualize their support and pastoral relationship with survivors. It should not be forgotten that clergy and others in pastoral roles are in a position of trust, according to the definition used in this guidance (see Appendix C1). Any sexual involvement within a pastoral, spiritual or counselling relationship is wrong.

Some who have experienced abuse will never disclose their experience, and struggle to manage their dilemmas in coping with sexual relationships in isolation. However, increasing numbers of elderly women are disclosing sexual abuse and the difficulties they have experienced in their marriages and relationships now that the subject is more in the public domain. In spite of having been invisible in the life of church communities for so long, many survivors live deeply spiritual lives that encompass their suffering in matters of sexuality, even though ‘they have had their ability to enjoy sexuality as a sacred, life-enhancing experience violated as a result of sexual abuse’. [*]

About disclosures

B6. Disclosing can be painful

If a child begins to speak about being abused then listen carefully and refer to the parish safeguarding policy.

Adults find it difficult to disclose that they have been the victim of sexual abuse. Stigma, shame, guilt and fear are among the many reasons. Often their abuser will have left them to carry the blame and the guilt, and may have added to their confusion by lying about what happened. Many will not have told anyone about their experience before or, if they have, may not have been believed by their family, or the wider community. Many will not have been able to integrate the abuse, or explore and understand their memories, feelings and emotions because they have not been able to tell and share their experiences with someone else. This telling and sharing is crucial in processing and integrating their experience. It is important that those listening to adults who disclose abuse understand these issues.

Children may not speak out while sexual or other abuse is happening to them or when it has ended. Almost 80 per cent initially deny abuse or are tentative in disclosing. Of those who do disclose, approximately 75 per cent disclose accidentally. Additionally, of those who do disclose, more than 20 per cent eventually recant even though the abuse occurred. [*] There are many reasons for this:

  • Children may not know that it is wrong, they may be too young (babies and toddlers can be abused) or for them it is normal behaviour.
  • They may not be able to describe or understand what has happened to them, particularly if it took place when they were young.
  • Children are taught to obey adults and may have felt powerless to stop the abuse or to speak out. It is important to emphasize to adults or children who disclose that they cannot be responsible for consenting to an act they did not understand or that they were forced into.
  • A child may fear retaliation or re-occurrence. They may have been threatened with further abuse and violence, or withdrawal of a treat or privilege, or some other punishment, if they do tell someone. They may also believe that they are protecting younger siblings from abuse by accepting it themselves, although this is usually a mistaken belief.
  • Children may be told that if they disclose the familial abuse, no one will believe them, or they will be taken away to a children’s home, or a family member will be removed.
  • They might also be frightened of getting someone they love into trouble.
  • Children often think that, in any event, no one would believe them. Particularly hard for children is when they try to tell someone and are not believed, or when they tell and all the consequences that they feared actually then take place.

It can be unhelpful to ask an adult why they did not tell someone what was happening to them as a child, particularly without setting the context as provided above. It may also be unhelpful to ask why they waited so long as an adult to tell their story. Disclosing involves huge risks in the mind of the adult, who frequently remains under the perceived power of the abuser even beyond the time of the actual relationship.

Even for those sexually abused in later years, disclosure can be a difficult and challenging experience. For some there are fears of reprisal, fears of being misjudged, or fears of other consequences (especially true where complaints are made of abuse that has taken place within a church). Some people repress the memories of the incident for many years because it is so painful. Revealing what has happened can often revive that emotional pain.

Once an abused adult has told what has happened after years of silence then, for some, it can be like bursting a dam. For others, it may emerge more like a steady trickle of water. The abused person might repeat the account several times to the same person or once to several people. Such repeating is not normally a sign that someone is ‘unable to move on’; the telling is usually a cathartic experience essential for managing the trauma.

B7. Listening and responding well 

As already stated, those who wish to disclose that they have experienced sexual abuse may try to do so within the context of a local church community, either to their priest or to another trusted individual. While they might have various reasons for disclosing, it is probable that their primary need is simply to be heard.

In order for someone who has survived sexual abuse in the past to tell another person their story they will need an environment of safety . . . Telling their story calls for enormous courage and a high level of trust. Since it is the nature of abuse to destroy or at least damage trust, it is imperative that when a survivor is ready to tell their story the listener must respond with great sensitivity and care.

Time for Action, p. 52

What would it take for someone to feel confident that a church would be a safe place where they can disclose their experience? It takes much thought, prayer and sensitivity on the part of those who have responsibility for the local church to ensure that through every area of the life and worship of the church there is an ethos of love and acceptance. It is helpful where positive and healthy relationships exist within a church, demonstrating God’s love in action. It is helpful where there is a culture of inclusiveness that respects and affirms the value of all regardless of difference, and where there is no element of gossip either within prayers or over coffee.

A person will disclose that they were sexually abused only when they feel it is safe to do so. Some might deliberately say something to test the reaction of the person to whom they are making their disclosure. This could be something shocking or simply a hint. Once they feel it is safe to proceed then responsibility falls upon the person to whom they have made that disclosure. Here are some simple but important points:

a) Is the time and place appropriate? If not, care must be taken to assure the person making the disclosure that any suggested change is because there is a willingness to listen well. Make sure that a discussion takes place in a private place. A public location, such as a hallway, is not secure. It is always best to let a survivor speak when they are ready; do not suggest they come back another day or at another time without at least letting the listening begin immediately.

b) Does another person need to be present? If so, check carefully that this is going to be acceptable to all involved.

c) A distinction could be made between a listener and anyone who might provide counsel or advice. Perhaps at this stage a good listener is all that is needed. The person listening should never venture into the area of counselling or advice unless they are trained.

d) Ascertain what the person making the disclosure is expecting. This might simply be to be heard and understood. On the other hand, they might be seeking further help or hoping for some action to be taken regarding the abuser if he or she is still alive.

e) Stay calm. This does not mean acting disinterested or showing no understanding of how difficult it must be for the person making the disclosure. Staying calm, but not distant, can be hard when you are shocked, angry, disgusted or otherwise upset, but an overly emotional response creates a risk that the person may not tell everything about their abuse and may even retract the disclosure. It is much better to be open, while staying calm, and say to the discloser that you find the information – for instance – distressing, shocking or disgusting. This will validate the experience of the discloser. A genuine heartfelt expression of sympathy and/or words of recognition that you can see that s/he has been deeply hurt by the experience may also be helpful.

f) Show that you take seriously all that you are being told. Survivors of abuse almost always fear that they will not be believed. While it is clear that you are only hearing one side of a story, possibly the most important thing you can do for a victim of abuse is to let her or him know that you believe their statements. This is often a crucial factor, especially to those who have made a previous unsuccessful attempt to be heard (possibly in childhood). Some will have terrible recollections of having their stories denied by others unwilling or unable to face the painful truth.

g) Do not make judgements or statements. Listen, listen and listen again! It can be hard to take in all the implications. It is hard to hear a fragmented and traumatized story. Allow the person to tell the story in the words of her/his choice and at her/his own pace.

h) Forgiveness is a complex issue for those who have been sexually abused. It is inappropriate to require a survivor to forgive the perpetrator immediately, when often the full extent of the abuse has not been recognized. This often reflects more on our being uncomfortable with facing the real extent of the pain. To do so can be dangerous as it can leave the victim open to further abuse or s/he may think that s/he now has to remain silent, while the abuser continues to pose a risk to others. It can also have the effect of curtailing the disclosure. Sometimes the advice and counsel of clergy and Christian friends has been to urge the victim to forgive the abuser, in the expectation that this will bring about better progress to recovery. In fact this can have the opposite effect. The subject of forgiveness is addressed later in Appendix C6.

i) Victims of abuse often need to repeat the account many times. This can be frustrating to the hearer but is cathartic to the one disclosing, and helps the process of their understanding all that happened and where the blame lies.

j) Sexual abuse thrives in secrecy. Once the secret is made public, it is much more difficult for the abuse to continue. It might be helpful to give an assurance that disclosing is the right thing to do.

Silence is a key tool that enables those who abuse to do so. It will never stop unless we find the courage to listen to what others need courage to tell. Rising to this challenge will not be easy and is certainly disturbing, but until the church faces up to this issue it will be failing in an important part of its life and responsibility.

Time for Action, p. 26

k) Talk through in a calm manner what are possible next steps. If the incident is recent, is the person still at risk? Are others at risk? Is there someone more competent to offer pastoral care or counselling? Is this a matter that you should refer to the Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser or consult her/him about? Take care if at all possible not to take the matter out of the hands of the person who has made the disclosure. Sexual abuse involves a loss of personal control, so be careful not to add to that, while remaining supportive. Please see section B10, Police referrals, for further consideration.

l) We need to be dependable. The person may require several meetings and should be able to control when and where. Sometimes words are too difficult and other ways of communication may be easier. Where possible, it should be jointly agreed who should have any documentation and when, if at all, a contact with the police or other authorities should be made. In any event the church’s safeguarding policy should be followed. Often support should be offered if other agencies are to be approached. On a more general level, the church can do much to foster an air of sanctuary and hospitality to make the discloser more comfortable.

m) Be prepared to be in it for the long haul. Whether as a listener or as the person responsible for the provision of pastoral support, the person making the disclosure needs to know that you will continue to be there for them. Be clear about what you might be able to offer.

n) Offer confidentiality but be clear about the limits on confidentiality where there is any continuing risk/harm to others. This should be explained carefully so that the person can understand the reasons (see section B10, Police referrals).

o) Ensure that your relationship remains consistent. Keep in contact and ensure that you have other interaction off topic. It is all too easy for a survivor of abuse to feel they have lost friendships by disclosing.

B8. The impact on listeners

In Time for Action there is a recommendation that churches develop better listening within their communities, [*] but there are no specific suggestions as to how this could be done. This policy now sets out this framework for the Church of England. There needs to be a process of training and awareness-raising.

Further, there needs to be recognition of the human responses to hearing details of sexual abuse. This applies to people who have been hitherto uninformed about sexual abuse but find themselves trusted with a distressing disclosure. It also applies to people who have themselves been abused and are aware of what happened to them, but remain unaware of the range of experiences of others who have been abused. It also applies to professional listeners who can become burned out with secondary trauma. Informed support needs to be given to those who listen to traumatic or disturbing accounts. All of us need to reflect carefully about how we respond and to increase self-awareness about the personal impact of these matters.

B9. 'False' allegations of abuse

Allegations of sexual abuse have serious damaging consequences for those who are accused, for their families, friends and colleagues. If the alleged abuser is someone of good standing within a church then it may have a divisive impact. Because of this, there can be an understandable hesitation to take action, in case an allegation should prove to be false. However, there can often be greater concern that someone might be falsely accused than that someone might have been abused.

Fears that an allegation could be wrong should not distract from legitimate concern and action for those who disclose sexual abuse.

As noted elsewhere in this document, false allegations of rape and sexual abuse are no higher than false allegations for other crimes, such as burglary (USA 2 per cent; UK 3 per cent). [*] This means that there is a huge gap between rates of criminal conviction for sexual crimes – less than 10 per cent – and those who report abuse without ‘false’ allegations – over 95 per cent. This is explored further in Appendix C2 – Correcting myths.

Experience demonstrates that the most effective way of identifying a false allegation is to respond to all concerns raised in the same way. [*] Through the ensuing investigative process, including the work of the police and children’s services, any inconsistencies, flaws, gaps or contradictions can be quickly identified. This is far more constructive than failing to respond well based on a concern about whether the allegation is true. Indeed, a poor response, or perhaps not responding at all, risks failing to protect anyone properly. (As an example of a good response, see the Report into the Catholic Archdiocese of Dublin, [*] which includes as one of the 50 case studies the account of Fr Ricardus, which was a false allegation.)

Only when a criminal or civil process has been tasked with determining whether an allegation is false, and has so found, can an allegation be said to be false. The use of the term ‘false allegation’ in relation to reports of abuse on any other basis is wholly wrong in fact and in law and should be avoided.

Organizations set up to provide services for, or ministry to victims of sexual abuse, their families and communities are not the place for providing support and services to people who believe they have been wrongly accused of sexual abuse. Support and services for people who have been accused of sexual abuse need to be separate and distinct from support for those sexually abused.

Finally, it is important to bear in mind the difference between the criminal burden of proof (‘beyond all reasonable doubt’) and the civil burden of proof (‘on the balance of probabilities’, that is, more likely than not). In order to manage risk as effectively as possible, the Church operates to the civil burden in most situations. This can cause confusion when someone has been found ‘Not Guilty’ in a criminal court.

B10. Police referrals

Dilemmas arise when determining whether and when to refer a matter to the police. An important part of recovery for the person who has disclosed abuse is to be entrusted with power over their own history. This includes deciding when and how it should be shared, so initially seek consent from the individual concerned. However, it is important to recognize and to acknowledge that where others may still be at risk, the police (and possibly children’s/adult services) will need to be informed. This becomes more complex still with the recognition that without the individual feeling ready to give consent and co-operation, s/he is likely simply to exercise his/her right of silence or non-co-operation, or even retract the information. [*] This means that it is extremely unlikely that any genuine safeguarding can take place by the overriding of his or her consent.

At all times, ensure that you discuss with the person disclosing, what the options are and what you recommend should happen next.

Explain that the Church is committed to reporting cases to the police or children’s/adult services, where it is in the public interest to do so, for instance where it is necessary to protect children from significant harm; protect adults from serious harm; or to prevent crime and disorder (for example, where it is believed that an individual in the church has harmed a child or an adult and/or it is believed that the information disclosed indicates that an individual still presents a risk of harm to a child or an adult).

That said, always seek the views of the person making the disclosure, thus validating and making use of the individual’s expertise about their own situation. This process can take time. It is important, both for the individual but also for the efficacy of any action involving the police, that this issue is not rushed.

Government guidance Information Sharing: Guidance for Practitioners and Managers (2008) [*] states:

The key factors in deciding whether or not to share … [such] information [i.e. refer the matter to the relevant authorities] are necessity and proportionality, i.e. whether the proposed sharing is likely to make an effective contribution to preventing the risk and whether the public interest in sharing information overrides the interest in maintaining confidentiality. In making the decision you must weigh up what might happen if the information is shared against what might happen if it is not ...

Working with these dilemmas, and the timing of decisions, is a skilled task and will always require the person offering support to consult with others such as the Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser (see Protecting All God’s Children and diocesan child protection procedures for further detail).

Where a matter is referred to the police, then specific pastoral support issues will arise. None of these difficulties is set out in order to dissuade anyone from telling the police. As noted above, sexual abuse thrives in secrecy, and telling the police is a major step in destroying that secrecy. Rather, it is important that everyone involved understands the challenges that will inevitably arise. All of this calls not only for good pastoral skills but also for the investment of considerable time.

a) The discloser will have to undergo police interviews – often videoed. Police officers who undertake this work should all now be specially trained and sensitive to the needs of individuals, although the service can still be variable. The discloser might find it helpful to have someone present for support (if allowed by the police), but it is vital that this person does not take part in the interview in any way.

b) It is probable that the person(s) against whom a complaint has been made will be arrested and interviewed by the police. They might or might not be charged. If charged, it is probable that they will be released on bail. While they might be prohibited from making contact with their accuser, this is inevitably a period where the discloser is likely to be anxious and pastoral support might need to be increased.

c) Once a formal complaint has come to light, people tend to take sides. If the accusation is against someone normally held in high respect, then the discloser could suddenly find himself/herself losing friends or become the object of criticism. Church congregations can split over this issue and the priest will need skilled support to enable people to achieve some reconciliation while ensuring that the person who has disclosed abuse receives full support and that their safety is assured.

d) The formal process from receipt of a complaint and someone coming to court can often be protracted. Regular periodic pastoral support through all of this time is important.

e) If the discloser and the accused are both involved in the same local church, then this will prove a difficult time for whoever has immediate pastoral responsibility within that church. The demands upon members of clergy in such situations should not be underestimated, and they should not hesitate to draw upon resources available to support and advise them.

f) The Police and Crown Prosecution Service will seek to give advice and support when the time of trial comes. However, if the accused pleads not guilty, then the discloser will be called upon to give evidence in open court. This is very likely to prove emotionally demanding if not seriously traumatic. Further support can be available from the Victim Support Service.

g) Whatever the verdict, the discloser is likely to face further problems. If, as often happens, the accused is found not guilty, despite all the abused person knows, the sense of injustice and being failed will be immense. If the accused is found guilty the sentence might not be as severe as the discloser might have wished. On the other hand, sometimes people are shocked by the severity of a sentence and can feel guilty at bringing this about. There are sometimes further complications to manage as relatives and friends of the accused then might respond badly towards the individual.

 

 

 

 

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